I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
