He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
