capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
