I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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