i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
