I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
