Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
