fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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