I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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