he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
