Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days