I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
