Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
