Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I stole a fireplace last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
