I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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