My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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