It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
