I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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