when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
