Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Enjoy the penises
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
