i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
