That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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