last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
