I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
