I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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