I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
