my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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