maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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