I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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