Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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