Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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