i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
