WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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