Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
