3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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