get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
