Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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