you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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