his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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