but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
