I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
