white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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