I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
