I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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