It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
