So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
