The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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