I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
