By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
