Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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