She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
