if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
