remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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