How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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