I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
