Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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