So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
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Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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