Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
