apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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