I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
