clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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