Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
high people should be assigned attendants
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
