I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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