this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
