Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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