yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
